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Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Grief Therapeutic: Discovering Pleasure in Grief?

For we now have shared many griefs, however they’re translated into pure love and rejoicing once we meet. ~ Might Sarton

A reader writes: I’m studying a beautiful little e book Therapeutic After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman and I’ve a query for you. I’ve discovered this e book of every day readings to be of nice consolation to me. It has helped me survive in the future at a time. Just like the every day e book readings, some days are higher than others. I discover that some readings are very tough for me to grasp. Total, I can nonetheless suggest the e book, however it isn’t excellent! 

For instance, I’m troubled by one specific studying, which begins with a citation by Might Sarton suggesting that once we discover somebody with whom we now have shared grief we’re crammed with love and rejoicing.

What am I lacking right here??? Whereas I achieve consolation from sharing with others I can not think about “rejoicing” about anybody else’s grief/loss.

My response: Maybe it is simply the best way I’m deciphering it, however I learn this to imply how we would really feel if and once we are reunited with our family members who’ve died ~ whether or not that’s in a dream, by means of a imaginative and prescient or another mystical expertise, and even after we ourselves have died. It’s about sustaining the bonds we now have with our family members and feeling the love we proceed to share.

For instance, creator and bereaved mom Sandy Goodman (whose 18-year-old son Jason was by accident killed when he was electrocuted) writes in her Love By no means Dies Publication:

My girlfriend advised me that there are individuals who would say that there’s something improper with me if she have been to inform them that I really feel pleasure after I consider Jason. She mentioned that they’d not perceive how I may really feel good when I’ve misplaced my son. I say it is not about feeling good or feeling unhappy. It’s about figuring out that I’ve not misplaced him. 

In the identical publication difficulty (Might/June/July 2005), Sandy included this poem by Deb Kosmer of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, which can resonate with you. Says Sandy: “As you’ll guess by what you are feeling if you learn her poems, Deb has a little bit of expertise with loss. Due to that have, she can also be a Bereavement Assist Coordinator.” 


Hope like love is a 4 letter phrase.

Once you died I used to be afraid

Your love went with you.

And I assumed hope had left me too.

I used to be alone and in ache

Considering of you

Lacking you

Screaming for you

Then in the future I felt your love

And it was such as you have been nonetheless right here

And hope returned, I felt it

And I knew it was actual

Like your love for me

Was nonetheless actual

I smiled figuring out

That our love survived

And knew that

I’d survive.

Afterword: Thanks Marty – your interpretation makes good sense to me. I actually would rejoice seeing/sensing my beloved as soon as once more. The brief article that I learn appeared to confer with rejoicing with others who had additionally suffered a loss. Maybe it implied that these others had additionally felt a contact/presence with those that they had misplaced.

Your suggestions is welcome! Please be at liberty to depart a remark or a query, or share a tip, a associated article or a useful resource of your individual within the Feedback part under. In the event you’d like Grief Therapeutic Weblog updates delivered proper to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Therapeutic PublicationJoin right here


© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH

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